Thursday, January 15, 2009

2009 WILL BE AWESOME!

By Boo Chanco

That was some year we just had. It is one year people couldn’t wait to forget. Our first working day finds us full of hope about what 2009 will bring, fully aware that the worse of 2008 isn’t quite over and will spill into 2009. Indeed many economists say we won’t see real relief on the economy until 2010 or even 2011.

After reading a lot of economic forecasts that were understandably inconclusive, I decided to have a talk with my astrologer friend. Because she could be pretty scary (she predicted among other things the explosion at Glorietta many years before it happened), I only wanted her to tell me the general lay of the land. What should we expect in 2009 given the turbulence of 2008? After our talk, I got the impression that astrology and economics share some things and I don’t just mean the ambiguity of some of their predictions and their technical language.

For one thing, astrologers and economists talk about cycles. “Z” my astrologer friend of long standing, puts it beautifully: “to study cycles is to realize that events occur within a continuum of time. Every event, in effect, carries within it the seeds of forthcoming events. The astrologer’s task is to determine the starting point of current operative cycles to know at what point in the cycle a corporation, country, or individual stands at any given moment — in order to map out the direction to which it is headed and predict the outcome of the ‘journey’.”
Economists talk of cycles in these terms: “Predictable long-term pattern changes in national income. Traditional business cycles undergo four stages: expansion, prosperity, contraction, and recession. After a recessionary phase, the expansionary phase can start again. The phases of the business cycle are characterized by changing employment, industrial productivity, and interest rates. Some economists believe that stock price trends precede business cycle stages.”

Kuya Kim explains in street language what the astrologers and economists are saying about cycles, ang buhay ay weather weather lang.

When I asked “Z” what’s in store for 2009, she explained everything in terms of “sub-cycles of crests and troughs of the various economic cycles from now till 2024 – some of which began more than a century ago and beyond.” It is in this sense that “Z” thinks 2009 will be a pivotal year — memorable and significant for the massive economic changes it will bring upon the world.

2009 will be different from 2008, “Z” explains, because numerous astrological configurations and signatures not normally seen in other years occur in 2009. According to “Z”, new cycles begin in earnest now — the very same cycles that, when they last unreeled, wrought havoc in world markets which led to the Depression in the 1930’s and precipitated World Wars I and II.

For those of us stuck in the stock market of 2008, 2009 brings only limited hope. According to “Z”, 2009 begins the waning cycle of stock exchanges and investment markets that begun its waxing phase in the early 1980s, peaked in the late 1990s, and will be completed by 2028. In other words, there may be short rallies here and there but the exuberance of the market of the last few years will no longer be experienced in the magnitude and duration that we saw. As “Z” puts it, rallies will occur but lower and lower from the levels wherein they started their descent.

In more specific terms, “Z” sees continued turmoil in world bourses and financial investment houses in 2009 — and beyond. Recovery will take longer than economic analysts, using traditional tools of predicting market movements, forecast. The parameters and models they use will be outdated and need to be discarded, “Z” says. New ways of looking at things and thinking out-of-the-box in a most drastic and revolutionary way is the only way for them to go if effective solutions are to be found at all.

“Z” does not think talking up the market will do any good. We have to go through a long dark tunnel of financial purgatory before seeing any real light of economic redemption.
“Z” also made some predictions of general trends in global terms. Globalization is over, she says, at least as the world knew it in the cycle just past. Governments will turn more insular and more concerned with providing basic necessities for its hungry, jobless, desperate masses.
“Z” sees a waning of terrorism based on religious fundamentalism because groups will worry more about survival. The fight will be for food. There will be outbreaks of hostility in the usual trouble spots where extremists operate, “Z” concedes, but these will be isolated incidents — just as it was in the past cycle.
“Z” sees more failures of banks and investment houses in the global environment, not to mention hedge funds. More revelations of accounting shenanigans and malpractice will come to light. This cycle acts as a cosmic plunger, she says. Shady, if not downright criminal, banking practices will surface — like scum. The collapse of ailing financial institutions will escalate in number and speed as the cycle runs its course. The survival of the worthy ones will be a result of something akin to Darwinian “natural selection.”
But in the face of the negatives, “Z” sees some positives. Everything, she says, will seem like bad news. But even the Depression of the 1930s (and the financial panics of late 1700s and 1800s) brought positive change to the markets and allowed the progress that brought the world the prosperity and standard of living many now enjoy.
“Z” takes a very philosophical view of transpiring events. “Seasons, as the rotation of the Earth shows, follow a rational cycle. So, now: first — Winter, the “return of the Sun.” The Earth on the Winter Solstice (longest night of the year, after which the days get longer as the earth begins its northward journey around the sun). Winter clears the ground for planting new seed. .Then, Spring: a new beginning. The evolutionary spiral is ever upwards — though sometimes it looks otherwise to those unaware of, or choose to, ignore nature’s cycles.
I have known “Z” for many years now. She was a former journalist who took an interest in astrology and took it up seriously to the point of actually taking and passing an international credentials test for it. She explained to me that astrology is mathematical but at the same time requires a keen sense of history. It is not unusual for “Z” to crosscheck her findings by doing historical research in various libraries and archives.
I decided to feature today some of the insights “Z” unselfishly shared with me not because I believe or do not believe in astrology. I am incurably curious about anything that offers an explanation of what makes the world go around. With the proper perspective, I don’t think it conflicts with my religion. After all, we yearly celebrate the feast of Three Kings, the best known astrologers in the Bible who predicted the time and place of the birth of our Savior. The Bible calls them “wise men”. If astrology was good enough then, maybe was even one of God’s ways of communicating with man, it must hold some insights too that can benefit us now.
But what is astrology doing in a business column? I know for a fact that many top businessmen consult astrologers like “Z” before making any major decisions from inaugurating an office to making a major investment to choice of partners. In a sense, there is an element of faith involved. But there is also a large element of faith involved when one takes in the stuff churned by the dismal science of economics.
Some articles about the present crisis say many economists are probably working on the wrong assumptions in their present models. That explains why they are having difficulty figuring out what’s happening and what to expect now. Quantitative models of Nobel Prize winning economists have failed spectacularly in our recent past (LTCM comes to mind). The once great Alan Greenspan himself had to apologize for being mistaken about his assumptions.

In the end, no matter how quantitative they may try to make modern economics, it is simply difficult to predict human behavior. It is no longer tenable to assume consumers will always make rational decisions on what’s best for them, as recent experience and adherents of the relatively new field of behavioral economics will tell you. The environment has drastically changed as we enter a new cycle and it is constantly changing.

Then again, I don’t claim to understand astrology and economics as well as the professionals in those fields. I just read enough of what the more knowledgeable of them say and figure out who seems to make sense and build from there.
May our New Year be a lot happier and infinitely more prosperous than the last! “Z” says it will be awesome!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

THE TOP 10 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

Below is the result of a survey conducted on over 300,000 respondents worldwide. Take note that 3 of the list involves financial planning. (nos. 2, 3 and to a big extent-no.10). Actually financial planning could be applied to all of them:

1. Loose weight and get into better shape.

2. Stick to a budget

3. Reduce my debts

4. Enjoy more quality time with family and friends.

5. Find my soul mate

6. Quit smoking

7. Learn something new

8. Find a better job

9. Volunteer to help others

10. Get organized

Sunday, January 11, 2009

2009 WILL BE AWESOME!

By Boo Chanco

That was some year we just had. It is one year people couldn’t wait to forget. Our first working day finds us full of hope about what 2009 will bring, fully aware that the worse of 2008 isn’t quite over and will spill into 2009. Indeed many economists say we won’t see real relief on the economy until 2010 or even 2011.

After reading a lot of economic forecasts that were understandably inconclusive, I decided to have a talk with my astrologer friend. Because she could be pretty scary (she predicted among other things the explosion at Glorietta many years before it happened), I only wanted her to tell me the general lay of the land. What should we expect in 2009 given the turbulence of 2008? After our talk, I got the impression that astrology and economics share some things and I don’t just mean the ambiguity of some of their predictions and their technical language.

For one thing, astrologers and economists talk about cycles. “Z” my astrologer friend of long standing, puts it beautifully: “to study cycles is to realize that events occur within a continuum of time. Every event, in effect, carries within it the seeds of forthcoming events. The astrologer’s task is to determine the starting point of current operative cycles to know at what point in the cycle a corporation, country, or individual stands at any given moment — in order to map out the direction to which it is headed and predict the outcome of the ‘journey’.”

Economists talk of cycles in these terms: “Predictable long-term pattern changes in national income. Traditional business cycles undergo four stages: expansion, prosperity, contraction, and recession. After a recessionary phase, the expansionary phase can start again. The phases of the business cycle are characterized by changing employment, industrial productivity, and interest rates. Some economists believe that stock price trends precede business cycle stages.”

Kuya Kim explains in street language what the astrologers and economists are saying about cycles, ang buhay ay weather weather lang.

When I asked “Z” what’s in store for 2009, she explained everything in terms of “sub-cycles of crests and troughs of the various economic cycles from now till 2024 – some of which began more than a century ago and beyond.” It is in this sense that “Z” thinks 2009 will be a pivotal year — memorable and significant for the massive economic changes it will bring upon the world.

2009 will be different from 2008, “Z” explains, because numerous astrological configurations and signatures not normally seen in other years occur in 2009. According to “Z”, new cycles begin in earnest now — the very same cycles that, when they last unreeled, wrought havoc in world markets which led to the Depression in the 1930’s and precipitated World Wars I and II.

For those of us stuck in the stock market of 2008, 2009 brings only limited hope. According to “Z”, 2009 begins the waning cycle of stock exchanges and investment markets that begun its waxing phase in the early 1980s, peaked in the late 1990s, and will be completed by 2028. In other words, there may be short rallies here and there but the exuberance of the market of the last few years will no longer be experienced in the magnitude and duration that we saw. As “Z” puts it, rallies will occur but lower and lower from the levels wherein they started their descent.

In more specific terms, “Z” sees continued turmoil in world bourses and financial investment houses in 2009 — and beyond. Recovery will take longer than economic analysts, using traditional tools of predicting market movements, forecast. The parameters and models they use will be outdated and need to be discarded, “Z” says.

New ways of looking at things and thinking out-of-the-box in a most drastic and revolutionary way is the only way for them to go if effective solutions are to be found at all.

“Z” does not think talking up the market will do any good. We have to go through a long dark tunnel of financial purgatory before seeing any real light of economic redemption.
“Z” also made some predictions of general trends in global terms. Globalization is over, she says, at least as the world knew it in the cycle just past. Governments will turn more insular and more concerned with providing basic necessities for its hungry, jobless, desperate masses.

“Z” sees a waning of terrorism based on religious fundamentalism because groups will worry more about survival. The fight will be for food. There will be outbreaks of hostility in the usual trouble spots where extremists operate, “Z” concedes, but these will be isolated incidents — just as it was in the past cycle.

“Z” sees more failures of banks and investment houses in the global environment, not to mention hedge funds. More revelations of accounting shenanigans and malpractice will come to light. This cycle acts as a cosmic plunger, she says. Shady, if not downright criminal, banking practices will surface — like scum. The collapse of ailing financial institutions will escalate in number and speed as the cycle runs its course. The survival of the worthy ones will be a result of something akin to Darwinian “natural selection.”

But in the face of the negatives, “Z” sees some positives. Everything, she says, will seem like bad news. But even the Depression of the 1930s (and the financial panics of late 1700s and 1800s) brought positive change to the markets and allowed the progress that brought the world the prosperity and standard of living many now enjoy.

“Z” takes a very philosophical view of transpiring events. “Seasons, as the rotation of the Earth shows, follow a rational cycle. So, now: first — Winter, the “return of the Sun.” The Earth on the Winter Solstice (longest night of the year, after which the days get longer as the earth begins its northward journey around the sun).

Winter clears the ground for planting new seed. .Then, Spring: a new beginning. The evolutionary spiral is ever upwards — though sometimes it looks otherwise to those unaware of, or choose to, ignore nature’s cycles.

I have known “Z” for many years now. She was a former journalist who took an interest in astrology and took it up seriously to the point of actually taking and passing an international credentials test for it. She explained to me that astrology is mathematical but at the same time requires a keen sense of history. It is not unusual for “Z” to crosscheck her findings by doing historical research in various libraries and archives.

I decided to feature today some of the insights “Z” unselfishly shared with me not because I believe or do not believe in astrology. I am incurably curious about anything that offers an explanation of what makes the world go around. With the proper perspective, I don’t think it conflicts with my religion. After all, we yearly celebrate the feast of Three Kings, the best known astrologers in the Bible who predicted the time and place of the birth of our Savior. The Bible calls them “wise men”. If astrology was good enough then, maybe was even one of God’s ways of communicating with man, it must hold some insights too that can benefit us now.

But what is astrology doing in a business column? I know for a fact that many top businessmen consult astrologers like “Z” before making any major decisions from inaugurating an office to making a major investment to choice of partners. In a sense, there is an element of faith involved. But there is also a large element of faith involved when one takes in the stuff churned by the dismal science of economics.

Some articles about the present crisis say many economists are probably working on the wrong assumptions in their present models. That explains why they are having difficulty figuring out what’s happening and what to expect now. Quantitative models of Nobel Prize winning economists have failed spectacularly in our recent past (LTCM comes to mind). The once great Alan Greenspan himself had to apologize for being mistaken about his assumptions.

In the end, no matter how quantitative they may try to make modern economics, it is simply difficult to predict human behavior. It is no longer tenable to assume consumers will always make rational decisions on what’s best for them, as recent experience and adherents of the relatively new field of behavioral economics will tell you. The environment has drastically changed as we enter a new cycle and it is constantly changing.

Then again, I don’t claim to understand astrology and economics as well as the professionals in those fields. I just read enough of what the more knowledgeable of them say and figure out who seems to make sense and build from there.
May our New Year be a lot happier and infinitely more prosperous than the last! “Z” says it will be awesome!

Friday, January 9, 2009

ARE YOU GOAL SETTING OR STILL DREAMING?

Last time, I posted an article regarding making goals as opposed to just making New Year resolutions, (STOP MAKING NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS, START MAKING GOALS), after all, this is the start of the year, and while I always thought that today is the first day of the rest of your life (regardless what day it is ) this is merely in keeping with tradition….We all have dreams, We all carry movies in our minds about how life could be for us in a better world. There are those who dreamed of hitting the big time in their career, landing a high-paying dream job, a long sought promotion, a pay raise, etc. while there are those who are of the materialistic types-winning the lotto, mega or whatever. (it’s an all-in-one wish list).
Chances are, most people will never get what they dream about. They will go on playing those mental movies for themselves or talking about them to friends and family members.

Failing to live your dreams is not necessarily a bad thing. Lots of people are perfectly happy dreaming of one life but living another. The problem arises when the gap between fantasy and reality results in unhappiness or even depression. When this happens, it’s time to master plan a new life. And the first step is to establish goals.

Goals are different from dreams in four ways. They are specific, actionable, time-oriented, and realistic.
Specific: Being rich is a dream. Earning P1 million annually is a goal.
Actionable: Winning the lotto is a dream. Winning a marathon is a goal.
Time-Oriented: Earning P1 million annually is a goal. But earning that P1 million a year in five years is a better goal.

Realistic: Earning P1 million annually in five years is probably reasonable. Earning P1 million in four months is not.
I’m assuming your last name is not Zobel de Ayala, Araneta, Sy, Tan, Ty, Yu, or whatever...you know what I mean.

Goals are also different than objectives - more long-term and broader in scope.
Your master plan will be broken down into seven-year and one-year goals, monthly and weekly objectives, and, finally, daily tasks that will make it possible to achieve your medium-term objectives and long-term goals. For example:
Seven-Year Goal: an annual income of P1 million net in five years.
First-Year Goal: Eliminate P50, 000 worth of debt or loan
Monthly Objective: Get that dream job that you’ve been eyeing, or if you’re in sales, close at least twice the no. of sales quota required by your company, and if you’re in business, target twice (or thrice) the average monthly sales you had last year.

First Week’s Objective: Get that job interview, make at least 10 sales calls/presentation, or do a sales promo.
First Day’s Task: Write personal letters to CEOs of my top 10 "dream job" companies. (This on top of your usuall letter of application to head of HR or “The Manager”) or come up with a new killer sales presentation. And make a list or appointment with your prospects.

Okay, that’s the plan. Starting today, you are going to be performing tasks every day that support weekly objectives that, in turn, support monthly objectives that, in turn, support yearly goals that, in turn, support seven-year goals. All of this will be done formally. All of it will be done in writing.
At this point, you may be wondering: "Does it really matter whether my goals are specific? Does it make any difference if I write them down?"
Consider this..

Several years ago, there’s an interesting bit of information in a book by Tom Bay - Look Within or Do Without - that was completely mediocre except for this one little gem. According to Mr. Bay, Harvard Business School did a study on the financial status of its students 10 years after graduation and found that (remember were talking Harvard grads here):

• As many as 27 percent of them needed financial assistance.
• A whopping 60 percent of them were living paycheck to paycheck.
• A mere 10 percent of them were living comfortably.
• And only 3 percent of them were financially independent.

The study also looked at goal setting and found these interesting correlations:

• The 27 percent that needed financial assistance had absolutely no goal-setting processes in their lives.
• The 60 percent that were living paycheck to paycheck had basic survival goals (such as managing to live paycheck to paycheck).
• The 10 percent that were living comfortably had general goals. They thought they knew where they were going to be in the next five years.
• The 3 percent that were financially independent had written out their goals and the steps required to reach those goals.

And that’s just one study. Here’s one that shows the power of setting specific goals:
Researchers from Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University asked 56 female undergraduates to do as many sit-ups as they could in 90 seconds. One group, told to "do their best," averaged 43 sit-ups on each day of the four-day study. The other groups, which had been given the specific goal to do consecutively more sit-ups at each session, performed significantly better, averaging 56 sit-ups on the last day of the experiment.

Studies are great, but personal experience is better.
You can spend your whole life dreaming. And dreams are wonderful things. By all means, dream away. But if you want to turn those dreams into reality, you need to transform them into goals.

What’s your wildest, longest-held dream? How can you make it specific? How can you make it actionable? How can you put a time limit on it? How can you make it realistic? Use these four questions to create goals you can aim for… then take action. And you’ll be living your dream in a few short years.

Source:http://www.earlytorise.com/2008/02/04/personal-goal-setting-or-dreaming.html

Monday, January 5, 2009

STOP MAKING NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS! START MAKING GOALS!

"You read a book from beginning to end. Achieving your goal is
the opposite. You start with the end, and then you do everything you must to reach it."

The year is almost over, with the New Year comes the usual New Year resolutions, most of us are actually aware that we can’t stick to it,
its only in keeping with tradition, (much like those firecrackers we set-off at midnight, when its over, wala na)not in keeping it. So I’m thinking (duh) why not make a resolution the same way most of us do business, make a goal, and to make sure you stick with it, make it quantifiable or measurable. For example, why not make a financial goal? (ok I’m beginning to sound like an insurance salesman, of which I am he he) let’s say P10,000 every quarter in savings, which you could eventually use to invests, pay-off an existing loan or maybe an emergency fund, its up to you, as long as you start saving. One of the nice things about having savings as your goal is that you are actually hitting more than one bird with a single stone, (Be financially independent,I will balance my accounts, not get into debts, stop unnecessary expenses, limit nightly gimmicks etc.) Consider the following methods in attaining your goal. (I got this from Inquirer.net)

1. Watch closely where your money goes-It could hold the solution to your “I don’t have much money” or I don’t know where the money went” woes”.

2. Decide where your money will go-since savings is your goal for this year, now is the time to make-up your mind what you are saving for, pay off your loans, educational plans for the kids, a future trip..but get into the habit first.

3. Make a spending plan-Allocate your earnings wisely by making a written budget every month (something most of us don’t do) experts say pay yourself first (now that’s a good idea)-meaning set aside some amount for savings (an old envelope will do, but make sure you won’t touch it) before you settle bills and spend money. A good starting point would be 10%, but do make it bigger as your income increases or your debts decrease. Then set a ceiling for your regular expenses, now you’re starting to live within your means.

4. Start an emergency fund-you can use your savings as an emergency fund in case of emergencies or unplanned expenses, god willing if nothing of the sort happens, then your savings remains intact, if something of the sort does happen, at least you have something you can fall back to, especially if you lose your job. sort of your own insurance.

5. Manage your debt-never get one you can’t afford to pay, before you get one, compute your budget and see if you can afford to regularly pay them for a period of time. Applies also to credit card purchases.

6. Protect your name-maintain a good record, pay off your bills on time. your income tax promptly, etc. your good name is one of your( if not the) most important assets.
7. Look for ways to grow your income-maybe you can get a sideline business or job, to compliment your present income, then use the extra for investment. As the Chinese say: “yung pera lipad lipad lang yan, ikaw bahala habol” (money is just flying all around, its up to you to catch it)

8. Have the essentials-If you’re not: be a member of the SSS, and Philheath, get an insurance policy, this includes, hospitalization, disability, accident, even a memorial plan. Stop fooling yourself you don’t need them.
9. Be serious about investing-Those savings you put aside can earn more when placed in a proper investment vehicle. Leave some in a savings or checking account, but put the bulk in higher-yielding-mutual funds, UITF’s, stocks or bonds, depending on your appetite for risk, talk to a Banker or Financial planner, read articles regarding personal finance (Fancisco Colayco’s “Pera mo’ Palaguin mo” would be a good start-also see link below) an while some may think its not a good idea because of the crisis, come to think of it-its actually the best time, besides investments should be treated as long term, at least 10 yrs.

10. Share your blessings-I think this is self-explanatory

HAVE A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR

Links:
www.colacofoundation.com
www.income-tacts.com
www.pinoysmartsavers.com
www.icap.com.ph
www.rfp-philippines.com

Friday, January 2, 2009

THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW YOUR CELLPHONE COULD DO

This is actualy an old article but still worth posting, considering your mobile phone can actually be a life saver or an emergency tool for survival. Check out the things you can do with it.

I. The emergency no. worlwide for Mobile is 112, If you find yourself out of coverage area of your mobile network and there is an emergency, dial 112 and the mobile will search any existing network to establish the emergency number for you, and interestingly this number 112 can be dialed even if the keypad is locked. try it out.

(Note: I did try it out and it works although what you get is just a voice message which tells you the local emergency no. which is 117)

II. Subject: Have you locked your keys in the Car? does your car have remote keys?
This may come in handy someday. Good reason to own a cellphone; if you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone at home on the cell phone, Hold your phone about a foot from your car door and have the person at your home press the unlock button, holding it near the mobile phone on their end. your car will unlock, saves someone from having your keys delivered to you. Distance is no object, you could be hundreds of miles away, and if you can reach someone who has the other"remote" for your car, you can unlock the doors (or the trunk).

(We tried it, and it works)

III. Hidden Battery Power; Imagine your cell battery is very low, you are expecting an important call and you don't have a charger. Nokia instrument comes with a reserve battery. To activate, press the keys*3370# Your cell will restart with this reserve and the instrument will show a 50% increase in battery. this reserve will get charged when you charge your cell next time.

(For Nokia cellphones only, I'm not sure if it works for other brands, or fake nokia and second hand units)

IV. How to disable a STOLEN mobile phone. Check your cellphone's serial number by dialing the following digits *#06# and a 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. and if you bought your unit from an NTC authorized dealer, take the time and effort to have your unit registered by the NTC, so when your phone gets stolen, they will be able to block your handset, rendering it useless, even if the thief changes the SIM card. this applies to those using prepaid services, for postpaid services, it's easier since your units serial no. is already registered when you get it, all you have to do is report it at once when your unit is stolen. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that whoever stole it can't use/sell it either. If everybody does this, there would be no point in people stealing mobile phones.

(We tried it on Nokia and sony-ericsson units, by dialing the same numbers, it did gave it's serial number, I don;t know the procedure for motorola and samsung)

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Summary Of my Last Year On The Computer

I must send my thanks to all those who have sent me their emails, because my life has definitely changed, after I forwarded it to a total of 2,170,687 people, costing me more than P300,000 in internet café expenses alone.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer go to church or pray because God is attached to the files you sent me, and all I have to do is send it to 25 other people, and that earns me prayer points with God.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Thanks to you, I have stopped paying all my insurance premiums (ya right) because from now on, no accident will ever happen to me, after all, I’ve already forwarded your last email to 15 of my friends.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the P500.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

Oh, and don't forget this one either: I no longer take my kids to jollibee because you told me that their burgers are made of worms imported from china.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

This is a forwarded chain email to answer and END all forwarded chain emails ...honestly speaking, do you really believe all that crap?