Summary Of my Last Year On The Computer

I must send my thanks to all those who have sent me their emails, because my life has definitely changed, after I forwarded it to a total of 2,170,687 people, costing me more than P300,000 in internet café expenses alone.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer go to church or pray because God is attached to the files you sent me, and all I have to do is send it to 25 other people, and that earns me prayer points with God.


Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Thanks to you, I have stopped paying all my insurance premiums (ya right) because from now on, no accident will ever happen to me, after all, I’ve already forwarded your last email to 15 of my friends.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the P500.00 I found dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I no longer eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

Oh, and don't forget this one either: I no longer take my kids to jollibee because you told me that their burgers are made of worms imported from china.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

This is a forwarded chain email to answer and END all forwarded chain emails ...honestly speaking, do you really believe all that crap?